Single Ladies(don't want a ring on it)

So I had an interesting conversation with a coworker today, I'm not sure how it started, but I made a comment about how I just wasn't that interested in getting married, being married, being a wife etc. She seemed shocked. I said I had no (theoretical) problem living with a guy, but as far as getting married I could take or leave it. It just isn't a goal I aspire to. If someone one day asks, I may say yes, but it will most assuredly be a Vegas affair. Nothing to stuffy or serious. Life is kind of a huge cosmic joke anyway.
I also read the article below titled "The Deficient Single Woman"
http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/08/30/the-deficient-single-woman/

I found it interesting because she talks about how being a single woman is basically viewed as a handicap, and if you are single OF COURSE you MUST be looking for a husband. She also describes how at weddings they round up the single women to "catch the bouquet" and how its nearly impossible to refuse because people treat you like an alien. I always find that a polite "fuck off" does me well when trying to get out of nonsense like that.

Decisions......decisions

When it comes to making decisions on something I operate one of two ways.......think long and hard about what I am going to do(procrastinate) or just do it. Once I have made a decision it is difficult for me to just sit and wait. For instance I decided to cut my hair short again, its slightly longer than shoulder length now, and I have actually been trying to grow it out, but I made the decision so now I just have to wait until I get paid again. Another recent decision I made, was to go to therapy. My main reason being that if I want to be a therapist one day, I can't walk around with fairly serious problems of my own. I have pretty much self diagnosed myself with Avoidant Personality Disorder, I read several descriptions online and yeah it sounds A LOT like me(although in general I don't recommend self diagnosis) Here is the definition:

People with avoidant personality disorder experience a long-standing feeling of inadequacy and are extremely sensitive to what others think about them. This leads to the person to be socially inhibited and feel socially inept. Because of these feelings of inadequacy and inhibition, the person with avoidant personality disorder will seek to avoid work, school and any activities that involve socializing or interacting with others.

Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder often vigilantly appraise the movements and expressions of those with whom they come into contact. Their fearful and tense demeanor may elicit ridicule from others, which in turn confirms their self-doubts. They are very anxious about the possibility that they will react to criticism with blushing or crying. They are described by others as being "shy," "timid," "lonely," and "isolated."

The major problems associated with this disorder occur in social and occupational functioning. The low self-esteem and hypersensitivity to rejection are associated with restricted interpersonal contacts. These individuals may become relatively isolated and usually do not have a large social support network that can help them weather crises. They desire affection and acceptance and may fantasize about idealized relationships with others. The avoidant behaviors can also adversely affect occupational functioning because these individuals try to avoid the types of social situations that may be important for meeting the basic demands of the job or for advancement.

Symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder

Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to what other people think about them, and social inhibition. It typically manifests itself by early adulthood and includes a majority of the following symptoms:

• Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
• Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
• Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
• Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
• Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
• Views themself as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
• Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

As with all personality disorders, the person must be at least 18 years old before they can be diagnosed with it.

Avoidant personality disorder appears to occur between 0.5 and 1.0 percent in the general population.

Like most personality disorders, avoidant personality disorder typically will decrease in intensity with age, with many people experiencing few of the most extreme symptoms by the time they are in the 40s or 50s

I don't think I am as outwardly awkward as some people are with this disorder, I once pointed out to a new friend that I have some social anxiety and feel stupid talking to new people, and she seemed surprised and said that I didn't seem awkward. I don't talk to new people until I am fairly sure about where I stand with them. And I don't think I have ever initiated a friendship, the other person has initiated the friendship. For instance I started a new job a couple months back and started talking to a couple of coworker fairly often, but I never suggested that we hang out after work they did that and I agreed. Sometimes even with people I have known for years, if I get the feeling(however incorrect) that they don't want to talk to me or hang out, I won't call. I can engage in conversations with people, and depending on how many times I have spoken to them determines my level of awkwardness, but I am always worried I said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing.

Funny article about how life actually does get better............but pretty much once you live on your own lol.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better_p2/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fanpage&utm_campaign=new+article&wa_ibsrc=fanpage

Hmmmmm.....what to do?

So I am still on this dating website, and despite many emails from guys I haven't really started a conversation with anyone. Part of the reason is that a lot of the guys have sent emails that just say "hi" which I have no idea how to respond to, but anyway there is this one guy who's profile I thought was interesting. So on this website you are supposed to answer questions to "match" you with someone. This guy answered a bunch of questions, here is the one I found most interesting: "Would you be put off by someone who was still a virgin at 25?" he answered no he wouldn't and would actually be impressed. He also said that he would like it if a girl emailed him first. So do I believe him and take a chance, or not bother? I know.....whats the worst that can happen, but still. I feel like I want to get myself together before I even try to email this guy, on the off chance that he does actually respond. I really feel like I will be (slightly) more confident if I lose the rest of the weight I want to lose and get in better shape. I know...I'm a mess.

Of Werewolves and Grandmothers

So obviously I saw Red Riding Hood, last night. Its a shame it got such bad reviews, because honestly it wasn't bad at all, and nothing like Twilight. People just wanted to say that because Hardwicke was the director. Without giving too much away, it was more about secrets and how they hurt people, growing up, making choices for yourself etc. And of course as Hardwicke points out herself, Red Riding Hood was rather pervy a "wolf" dresses up in grannies clothes, then asks a young girl to get into bed and talks about how much he wants to eat her.......um yeah. Before fairy tales got all Disney-fied they were pretty hard core, I have a book that has all the original fairy tales, the original Snow White had Snow becoming the Queen and ordering the guards to put her evil stepmother in red hot iron shoes and dance in them, can you say gruesome. There was a movie version of Snow White, that had Sigourney Weaver as the wicked stepmother that was just awesome.
On another note.....I have gotten nine replies on my new dating website, and I'm not particularly inclined to respond, I'm just not interested in the guys that are responding to me and its hard enough to have an email conversation with someone you ARE interested in and never met. So trying to force something seems.......ill advised. I don't know. Also, even though I am generally a practical person, I can not seem to get over how "unromantic" it is to try to meet someone online.

Oops I Did It Again

I apologize for the Britney Spears reference :)
Somehow I talked myself into going back onto a dating website. Actually I know how, I started a new job and it took a few months but now people are asking about whether or not I have a boyfriend, so that got me thinking again. At least it is Spring(almost) so I am more willing to go out and meet people face to face. The whole talking via email is just so.....awkward especially when its someone you have never had a face to face conversation with. You miss all the social cues and changes of topic aren't as natural. As usual I have no idea what I am doing. Not to mention the older I get the more stressful it is becoming to live with my parents. Unfortunately moving out is not really and option, between school loans and needing to fix my car my money is disappearing as fast as I can make it. Well we'll see how the website thingy goes this time around, but I am still very wary.

Am I Like Completely Hideous or Something?

I really want to know, because I have been on this dating sight that you had to pay for if you wanted complete access. Well even though I hadn't paid for, I still got alerts when someone emailed me(because they want you to pay to read them of course) So the one day , I get not one but two emails from guys on my "yes" list. So I finally decide to pay and find out what they emailed. Well Guy#1 made some random comment and asked why I didn't have pictures up. I responded that I had just put pictures up, I just had to wait for the site to approve them. Guy#2 Made a comment about a show I said I watched in my profile and I asked him what he likes to watch, and he answered and also asked why I had no pictures. Again I told him I had just put the pictures up and they were pending approval. Yeah its been two days since my pictures were approved....and nothing from either of them. So they were perfectly willing to talk to me with no pictures, and now with pictures all I get is silence. OK then. Now though I get guys who are either waaaaay to young, like 18 or waaaaaay to old, like 38. I guess I will leave up my profile for the month that I paid for and then cancel, because I am officially giving up....I'm done....Finito. I am obviously completely unappealing to any kind of guys that I would be interested in. All I get are guys with 20 kids and 20 different baby moms, guys with no job, car, who live with there Mamas because Mama takes care of them, guys who are on drugs, or even deal drugs. I give up....I guess I will have to just settle when I'm ready.