Decisions......decisions

When it comes to making decisions on something I operate one of two ways.......think long and hard about what I am going to do(procrastinate) or just do it. Once I have made a decision it is difficult for me to just sit and wait. For instance I decided to cut my hair short again, its slightly longer than shoulder length now, and I have actually been trying to grow it out, but I made the decision so now I just have to wait until I get paid again. Another recent decision I made, was to go to therapy. My main reason being that if I want to be a therapist one day, I can't walk around with fairly serious problems of my own. I have pretty much self diagnosed myself with Avoidant Personality Disorder, I read several descriptions online and yeah it sounds A LOT like me(although in general I don't recommend self diagnosis) Here is the definition:

People with avoidant personality disorder experience a long-standing feeling of inadequacy and are extremely sensitive to what others think about them. This leads to the person to be socially inhibited and feel socially inept. Because of these feelings of inadequacy and inhibition, the person with avoidant personality disorder will seek to avoid work, school and any activities that involve socializing or interacting with others.

Individuals with Avoidant Personality Disorder often vigilantly appraise the movements and expressions of those with whom they come into contact. Their fearful and tense demeanor may elicit ridicule from others, which in turn confirms their self-doubts. They are very anxious about the possibility that they will react to criticism with blushing or crying. They are described by others as being "shy," "timid," "lonely," and "isolated."

The major problems associated with this disorder occur in social and occupational functioning. The low self-esteem and hypersensitivity to rejection are associated with restricted interpersonal contacts. These individuals may become relatively isolated and usually do not have a large social support network that can help them weather crises. They desire affection and acceptance and may fantasize about idealized relationships with others. The avoidant behaviors can also adversely affect occupational functioning because these individuals try to avoid the types of social situations that may be important for meeting the basic demands of the job or for advancement.

Symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder

Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to what other people think about them, and social inhibition. It typically manifests itself by early adulthood and includes a majority of the following symptoms:

• Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
• Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
• Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
• Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
• Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
• Views themself as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
• Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

As with all personality disorders, the person must be at least 18 years old before they can be diagnosed with it.

Avoidant personality disorder appears to occur between 0.5 and 1.0 percent in the general population.

Like most personality disorders, avoidant personality disorder typically will decrease in intensity with age, with many people experiencing few of the most extreme symptoms by the time they are in the 40s or 50s

I don't think I am as outwardly awkward as some people are with this disorder, I once pointed out to a new friend that I have some social anxiety and feel stupid talking to new people, and she seemed surprised and said that I didn't seem awkward. I don't talk to new people until I am fairly sure about where I stand with them. And I don't think I have ever initiated a friendship, the other person has initiated the friendship. For instance I started a new job a couple months back and started talking to a couple of coworker fairly often, but I never suggested that we hang out after work they did that and I agreed. Sometimes even with people I have known for years, if I get the feeling(however incorrect) that they don't want to talk to me or hang out, I won't call. I can engage in conversations with people, and depending on how many times I have spoken to them determines my level of awkwardness, but I am always worried I said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing.